UPC's Songwriting Showcase

I went to UPC’s Songwriting Showcase on February 25. It was a student competition, judged by Teddy Geiger, professional songwriter and singer. Students had submitted their songs, and the top eight were selected to perform them.

I found that their songs shared many characteristics of creative writing, from form to word choice and other stylistic elements. For example, their songs followed an outline similar to the inverted check mark we follow. They always began slow, addressing some source of conflict, and built up to the chorus, which acted as the climax. The end of the song slowed down, acting as the resolution. Like in a short story, there is a structure to the song that leaves the listener feeling satisfied. The best example of this was Sarah Colvin’s “It’s Not Over.” She sang about being in love and her and her partner overcoming obstacles (which she didn’t specify) to be together.

I also noticed that the themes in the songs greatly resembled themes often seen in creative writing. There were a few songs that dealt with love and loss, and how to find oneself after a breakup. One song discussed the need to slow down and enjoy life, and another was about battling depression. Like we have many characters and voices in a story, in a song the instruments act as those voices. They help to convey the feeling of sadness, of happiness or joy. A certain note or end of a verse can foreshadow a coming event in the song. The instruments give a song its character. The human voice can only go so far, but the choice of the instrument and how it is tuned can have a huge impact on the tone of the song. For example, Jarret Roland and Jaden Beard’s “Rain” was a punk rock song about depression. Their guitars produced more of a wailing sound, and the lead singer sometimes screamed into the microphone, changing the tone of the song. If they had sung it acoustically, it would have sounded like a totally different song.

Word choice is also extremely important in songwriting. One wrong or misplaced word can ruin the entire work, making it sound awkward. Like in poetry or short fiction, words carrying a heavy weight with many meanings. One word can mean many different things, giving the work a deeper complexity.

Through this Songwriting Showcase, I learned how connected each of the creative arts are. Poetry, fiction and songwriting have the same stylistic barriers and guidelines, but more importantly, their similarities in theme showcase the human condition and emotions that every writer has in common.

Response to Amber Bryant’s “Keegan Killer Kid”

Response to Amber Bryant’s “Keegan Killer Kid”

Kadiss is a 21 year-old girl who returns to her mother’s old house after fourteen years to visit her mother in prison and see her execution. She wrestles with the idea that her mother is a serial killer, who killed her father and attempted to kill her, yet she still loves her.

I like the way you characterize Kadiss, with her dry vision of reality, like on page 4 when she isn’t fazed by the writing on her house, but jokes that she already has her own groupies, or on page 8 when she says that her pat down is “professional rape.” I also liked your use of the box, and how it provided a personal connection with her mother that she had lost a long time ago.

For revision, I think that your story could improve by elaborating on the scenes you already have. For example, I would like to see more of the time she spent with the box and connecting with her mother that way. I think it would help link her sudden realization of love for her mother towards the end. I would also like to see more of what is going on in the scene where she is talking with her mother. As it is now, it seems like she only has five minutes to spend with her. I think if they talk about some of the issues between them, that could help move the story along and create more tension for Kadiss. I think there also needs to be some clarification with the mother and her actions as a serial killer. We learn that she used to kill her rehab patients by having them overdose and then tries to run from the police, but the violent, brutal killing of Kadiss’s father and attempted killing of Kadiss seems out of place. I would also like to see more character development for Dr. Harper and Steven. Right now, they only act as a mean for her to see inside the box. I would like to see them having a greater role in the story.

This is a really interesting concept and has a lot of potential, good job!

Response to Andrea’s “Neoteny”

Response to Andrea Gonzalez’s “Neoteny”

            Meredith is a girl in college who lives in Birmingham. She tries to deal with the fact that her sister got pregnant, and decided to tell her through a text message. She goes with her brother to pick up their sister from the airport, and they end up fighting about the baby and almost crashing.

            I really like all of the imagery you had in your story, especially your description of the messiness of waking up in the morning on the first page. I also really like how you showed Meredith’s distraction and avoidance while she was on the phone with Elena on page 3 by having her think about the state of her kitchen. You do a really nice job of conveying Meredith’s emotions to us with images as well, like when her hands are sweaty, or her picking junk out of her nails while talking with her mother. One of my favorite parts was when Meredith rants in her head about the conversation she had with her mother on page 6, especially when you say “she seemed to be alternating between the stages of scary Latin woman rage to uncontrollable weeping.”

            For revision, I think your story could benefit from more action. Instead of having Elena text her, maybe she could show up and surprise her with the information. It would bring more action to the page and create more conflict between the two sisters. I would also like to see some of the scene where Meredith and her mother are talking. We only really see how she reacts to the situation when she is alone, and I think it would be nice to see how she reaches out to others for advice and support. As a character, Elena seems a little flat. She seems pregnant and proud, not caring what everyone thinks of her, except I get the feeling that that is a façade, and that she does have doubts and insecurities. After the two fight, if she expresses those, maybe that can help the two girls bond. I also think we need more backstory on why Elena is having such a hard time accepting this. Is it because of religious background, her own ideals about life, etc.

            Your story deals with a really interesting concept that has a lot of potential for a lot of drama and conflict!

Ekphrasis Exercise- Stephanie Couturier’s “Barendrecht”

Ekphrasis Exercise- Stephanie Couturier’s “Barendrecht”

           

            The little girl looked at the houses across the water. They looked nice, she thought. Like nice people would live there. Their lawns were freshly cut; the orange one on the right had a patio table and chairs. The people inside probably had summer cookouts and barbeques there. They each had a small dock, the perfect height for jumping into the water. Her daddy bought supplies to make one, but hadn’t been able to start yet. It was just sitting in the backyard, waiting to be made. The girl looked at her own backyard, and winced. She hoped the kids across the water wouldn’t think her dirty or weird. When she asked her daddy why it wasn’t green, but all dirt, he said, “Because no one had lived here in a very long time. Now go grab your suitcase out of the car and put it in your room.”

            As she stood there, she was careful not to touch the windowsill. There were dead bugs laying on it, covered with a large layer of dust. The rest of the house needed a deep clean too. She felt like she was the only person who had been in her room in years, and felt afraid to touch anything for fear of disturbing something that had been there long before her.

            As the days went by, the house became friendlier. Her mommy and daddy showed the men where to put the furniture, and even let her help, so that it started to feel just like their old house. They got TV one day, and Internet the next. Her mommy helped her hang up her pictures in her room, and unpack the many boxes, piled almost up to her ceiling. There were boxes piled everywhere, and sometimes she would see one that would be in the wrong place, like when there was one labeled “kitchen” in her bathroom, and she would tell her daddy and he would move it.

            Everyday she looked out the window at the houses across the street. Sometimes she saw people moving around the house, and if she were lucky, the kids would come outside and play. There were three of them, two boys who seemed to be about her age, and one girl who looked a little younger. The house on the right had a dog, a golden retriever, and the kids would play ball with him. Sometimes he would even jump into the water!

            After about a week of living there, while she was watching them play together, one of the boys looked up and saw her staring. Not knowing what to do, the little girl ducked down below the windowsill, out of sight. Breathing heavily, she peeked back up to see if they were still looking, only to find that they were gone. Confused, she looked inside each window to see if they had gone in. Finding nothing, her heart started to beat faster. What if they saw her, and told their parents? What if they told her parents? She would get in trouble for spying! The doorbell rang, and she heard her mommy walk from the kitchen to answer it. She ran towards the door, hiding behind the wall that separated the foyer and the living room. It was them! The boys and girl from across the street! Heart racing, she tried to listen to what they were saying.

            “Melanie,” her mommy yelled, “there are some kids here who want to play with you.” Melanie crept around from behind the wall, not sure she heard her correctly. Her mommy smiled and said, “this is Paul, George, and Sally. They live across the water.”

            “Hi,” she said, looking down, “I’m Melanie.”

            “Do you want to come over and play with us? We were playing sailor.” Melanie agreed, and beaming, walked towards the door. She thinks she might like it here after all.

Response to Elizabeth Wieck's "Lunch Date"

Response to Elizabeth Wieck’s “Lunch Date”

                The main character, Liz, wants to take her best friend, Janet out to lunch and go shopping. Janet however has Alzheimer’s and because of that the two get into a fight. Liz realizes that life with Janet is going to be different and much harder in the coming years.

                I really liked the scene where Janet gets upset in the store. I thought that the fact a 64 year old woman wanted a red bra and underwear and went straight into the junior’s section was ironic and hilarious. I also liked your description of Vickie, who seems to just pop out of nowhere and tries to be helpful, but just ends up being annoying and making things worse. I really dislike those types of sales people and could totally relate to Janet in that moment. I think you did a really nice job characterizing Janet and displaying her disease, especially when she suggests McDonald’s for lunch and forgets to wear a bra.

                For revision, I think you could expand the scene where Janet is getting upset in the store and make it more dramatic. I think Liz should get more involved, especially when Janet flashes the Vickie right there in front of everyone. I think if Liz told Vickie about Janet’s disease it would increase the tension and give Janet a better reason for being angry with her. I think your story could also benefit from more backstory of Janet and Liz’s relationship before she got sick, so as to contrast how different it was for them now. Also, I think more description of the husband and how he is a little insensitive could help explain why Janet wanted to get out of the house so badly. Overall, I thought you did a really nice job exploring the difficulties of dealing with someone you love changing and getting ill.

Response to Richard Tyler's "Faith"

Response to Richard Tyler’s “Faith”

                Mary Katherine is a teenage girl who wants to go to confession to confess the fact that she is pregnant. She runs into many obstacles along the way, starting with her car breaking down.

                I like the sass and sarcasm you use to characterize Mary Katherine. I like that she is a strong, independent character who knows what she wants and will not stop until she gets it. You do a really nice job characterizing everyone, using dialogue and action. I like how you waited to reveal why she wanted to go to confession so badly until the end, while still hinting at it throughout the story; it did a nice job of creating suspense.

                For revision, I would work more with setting. I could never picture where Mary Katherine was, and I think an enhanced setting could up the drama in the story, especially when she is fixing her car in the beginning and when she is in the ghetto. I also think that there is a little bit of character inconsistency in Mary Katherine. In the beginning you say that she wants to be a canonized saint, but I don’t see that in the story at all. If that were the case, she wouldn’t be offering her boob to her ex-boyfriend or freely cursing so much. There were also a few inconsistencies in plot. On page 2 she says that her parents are there, but if her parents were there I think she and Samson would speak differently, and she would not be opening the hood and worrying about her car, her parents would be doing that. Also I was a little confused at how she got lost on the way to the church. If she has been going to confession for months, wouldn’t she know how to get there? I’m not really sure what the ghetto scene does for the story, or how Samson realizes that she is pregnant. I think once you fix those things you’ll have a really interesting story!

Response to Thomas Barrett’s “The Lost Diary of Stanley Parsons”

Response to Thomas Barrett’s “The Lost Diary of Stanley Parsons”

            Stanley Parsons is a young man who wants to be a travel writer. He goes on a journey to the Amazon and gets captured by cannibals, only to be saved by a woman named Patricia Bateman. He returns to New York and never wants to leave again.

            I really enjoyed the voice of the character. It was very sarcastic, even when he was faced with death. I also liked the fact that a woman came in and saved them, and I enjoyed the character’s reactions to that. I also think your story concept is really interesting and a unique idea.

            To improve your story, I think you should develop it more. I think you can really expand and give more detail of what Parsons thought about being on a ship while not being a sailor; did he like it? Did he get along with the rest of the crew? You can also expand the description of the Amazon itself. Is it hot, humid, wet, etc. I think there also needs to be more character development. It is first person point of view, except I did not feel like I understood what Parsons was thinking most of the time. Describe how he feels, especially when he is tied up. Was his sarcasm a façade for how scared he was? I also think you should give more backstory on Patricia. She comes out of nowhere to save the crew, and then takes over their ship. What was she doing in the Amazon, and can she just drop whatever it is and all of a sudden captain a ship? Also, go into detail about how the rest of the crew felt about this. Were they happy with a woman, who had obviously never been captain of a ship, taking over? And she seemed to be familiar with the tribes in the area. How did she not know that they would continue to pursue them? I think you could also explore changing the point of view to third person or third person omniscient, which might give you more room to explain everything.