Response to Richard Tyler

   This is a story about Kristen, who is in jail and is being interviewed about a murder case that she was charged in.
   I think you did a really good job with the all dialogue story. You showed enough detail through the questions and responses that I was able to picture and understand everything. I think you did a nice job with character development as well. I could tell that Kristen was annoyed and didn't want to be there just based on her short answers or her lack of answer, which I thought was a really good technique. I also like the fact that you had Kristen be interviewed, it allowed you to give lots of backstory and detail and really get into each character's head.
   For revision, I think you could have the interviewer use a little more transition between topics, sometimes it seemed a little jagged or choppy.  I was also confused by the bottom of the first page, when it says "(inaudible)" because that implies to me that someone is listening to either the conversation happening or a recording of the conversation, and that is never clarified in the text. I was also a little confused why Kristen would give up so much information about drugs and her background and why she openly admits to hiding the clothes when she is only on trial and hasn't been convicted for anything yet. She would have just ruined her chances of getting off. I was also unclear about the actual crime. On page five it says that Matt came on to Aaron while he was being robbed, which seems like an odd reaction for someone who is being robbed. It also says that Aaron was fueled with "gay-panic" which was a confusing term for me. I wasn't sure what it meant, or why panic would cause Aaron to kill Matt. It seemed like it would be more of a rage-filled crime.