Response to Amber Bryant’s “Keegan Killer Kid”

Response to Amber Bryant’s “Keegan Killer Kid”

Kadiss is a 21 year-old girl who returns to her mother’s old house after fourteen years to visit her mother in prison and see her execution. She wrestles with the idea that her mother is a serial killer, who killed her father and attempted to kill her, yet she still loves her.

I like the way you characterize Kadiss, with her dry vision of reality, like on page 4 when she isn’t fazed by the writing on her house, but jokes that she already has her own groupies, or on page 8 when she says that her pat down is “professional rape.” I also liked your use of the box, and how it provided a personal connection with her mother that she had lost a long time ago.

For revision, I think that your story could improve by elaborating on the scenes you already have. For example, I would like to see more of the time she spent with the box and connecting with her mother that way. I think it would help link her sudden realization of love for her mother towards the end. I would also like to see more of what is going on in the scene where she is talking with her mother. As it is now, it seems like she only has five minutes to spend with her. I think if they talk about some of the issues between them, that could help move the story along and create more tension for Kadiss. I think there also needs to be some clarification with the mother and her actions as a serial killer. We learn that she used to kill her rehab patients by having them overdose and then tries to run from the police, but the violent, brutal killing of Kadiss’s father and attempted killing of Kadiss seems out of place. I would also like to see more character development for Dr. Harper and Steven. Right now, they only act as a mean for her to see inside the box. I would like to see them having a greater role in the story.

This is a really interesting concept and has a lot of potential, good job!