Response to Elizabeth Wieck's "Christmas Traditions"

Response to Elizabeth Wieck’s revised “Christmas Traditions”

            “Christmas Traditions” is a story about family dynamics and traditions around the holidays. The main character, Sara, finds out that her grandmother had a child that died from SIDS before her dad and aunt were born, and that changes her perspective on her grandmother’s behavior.

            I like that you cut a lot of characters from the story. It made it a lot easier to follow and keep up with. I like that you kept the grandmother nagging about the sausage and asking everyone if they’re hungry. I also love the scene where Sara has to put on her grandmother’s socks. It made me laugh, because I have had to do something similar and I looked to my parents for help as well.

            For revision, I think you should make Sara react more to her surroundings. We still don’t know what she’s thinking. For example, when she’s putting the socks on her grandmother, we know it’s gross just because of the description, but we don’t know how Sara feels about it. I think you should also expand on people’s relationships. We know that Sara and Josh used to be close, but I’m still curious why he is such a jerk. A lot of his lines are reminiscent of a junior high schooler, except he’s in college. If you want to keep him angry and mean, you might want to think about changing some of the things he says to be more grown up. For example, he could say something that really pushes grandma’s buttons. I also want to see more of Sara’s dad. Right now he seems like he’s only there to provide information about his brother. I think your story is missing a climax. It seems to be when Sara finds the picture. Maybe instead of just finding a picture she could find a box of old baby clothes or something like that, something more sentimental than a picture.