Response to Thomas Barrett’s “The Lost Diary of Stanley Parsons”

Response to Thomas Barrett’s “The Lost Diary of Stanley Parsons”

            Stanley Parsons is a young man who wants to be a travel writer. He goes on a journey to the Amazon and gets captured by cannibals, only to be saved by a woman named Patricia Bateman. He returns to New York and never wants to leave again.

            I really enjoyed the voice of the character. It was very sarcastic, even when he was faced with death. I also liked the fact that a woman came in and saved them, and I enjoyed the character’s reactions to that. I also think your story concept is really interesting and a unique idea.

            To improve your story, I think you should develop it more. I think you can really expand and give more detail of what Parsons thought about being on a ship while not being a sailor; did he like it? Did he get along with the rest of the crew? You can also expand the description of the Amazon itself. Is it hot, humid, wet, etc. I think there also needs to be more character development. It is first person point of view, except I did not feel like I understood what Parsons was thinking most of the time. Describe how he feels, especially when he is tied up. Was his sarcasm a façade for how scared he was? I also think you should give more backstory on Patricia. She comes out of nowhere to save the crew, and then takes over their ship. What was she doing in the Amazon, and can she just drop whatever it is and all of a sudden captain a ship? Also, go into detail about how the rest of the crew felt about this. Were they happy with a woman, who had obviously never been captain of a ship, taking over? And she seemed to be familiar with the tribes in the area. How did she not know that they would continue to pursue them? I think you could also explore changing the point of view to third person or third person omniscient, which might give you more room to explain everything.