Workshop Response- "Hudson"

Timothy Collier's Poem "Hudson"

            This seems to be a voice poem, written from the voice of someone other than the author. Timothy does a good job of using consonance, especially in the second line of the second stanza: “silly sentimentality”. I also enjoyed the first line of the poem, “I’m gone, man, out”.  I think it expresses the speaker’s impatience with his circumstances very well.

            The stanzas are very long, and I think it would benefit the poem to play with their structure and length. The flow of the poem also seems to have some trouble. I think this can be attributed partially to the “…” in the first stanza. I was thrown off by those and didn’t understand their purpose, especially when they begin a line. I think it would also help the flow to reverse the words “early” and “Tuesday” in the second line of the first stanza. I think this poem would also benefit from more concrete imagery-I didn’t really understand what was going on in the poem, other than the speaker wanted a fresh start somewhere. I think the word choice in the opening of the second stanza, “despondency”, and “silly sentimentality” seem very formal compared to the laid back language in the first stanza. I also did not understand how the last stanza fit into the rest of the poem, though I liked the imagery it provided. In the last stanza, I was also confused by the word “refound Grace”. Are you saying it was re-found, as in found again? I think to achieve that same effect you could simply say “found”. 

Workshop Response- "Last Race"

Claire Nolan's Poem, "Last Race"          

            I really enjoyed reading this poem. I think the imagery is very clear and concise, and the author really gets not just the image, but also the feeling of the runner across to the reader. I like the use of the line placement to parallel when the runner takes off, and then again when the focus shifts back to the race. I love the metaphor with a bird, flying down from the sky to win the race. I really like the last three lines “breathless / and / high” and how they are separated. The pauses these line breaks make end the poem really well, and emphasize the feelings they’re describing, especially breathlessness. I think the author did a great job of using imagery to produce concrete images, and it was easy to understand what was happening in the poem; it was crystal clear.

            I think this poem could benefit from a few things. First, a space in between stanzas. The fact that every other two lines are indented gives the impression that there’s a new stanza, and if that is the case, then I would add a space in between each one to make that a clearer distinction. I also think that the flow of the poem is disrupted during the line that says “I could not let my body defeat my mind”. I think “defeat my mind” doesn’t really fit in with the flow of the poem. 

Workshop Response- "The Ocean"

Katie Pollard’s Poem, “The Ocean”

            I absolutely love the way this poem sounds and the images it creates. I think Katie used personification extremely well- I could envision and feel what the ocean was feeling, especially here, “By drowning, dragging, pulling, / she gets what she wants and none / can calm her”. I also liked how she stayed away from clichés, which are so easy to come by when writing about the ocean. My favorite line of the poem is the first two lines of the last stanza, “She whispers, she sighs, she tells / Secrets of lovers and wars”. I love the picture this creates, and again the personification helps to clarify this image.

            I think that, while this poem is full of great imagery, the poem would benefit from concrete images of the ocean. Without reading the title, one wouldn’t be able to completely comprehend the subject of the poem. I also enjoyed the line breaks, and how thoughts flow from one sentence to the next, though I think sometimes it falls at a strange place, without having the desired effect of enjambment (lines 4-5).

            The poem has a very nice sound, which is attributed to the use of consonance of the letters s and o, and the repetition in the first line of each stanza. I really like the second stanza, I think that effectively uses consonance. 

Workshop Response- "Catch and Release"

Emily Johannes’s Poem “Catch and Release”

            “Catch and Release” does an excellent job of employing concrete imagery to form a picture and consonance to make the poem sound pleasing to the reader. I really love the image and sound of the last stanza, “I move with care and leave you / to seek the moon’s gentle glow, / delicate and beautiful, / a flutter of dusted wings”.

            I admire Emily’s bravery at writing a pantoum, though I think it is limiting because the poem is short. I noticed that the repeating lines began to be redundant by the end of the poem. I think more could have been said to describe the situation, but the pantoum structure didn’t allow this.

            I am also a little confused as to the subject of the poem. I’m unsure weather it is a butterfly (“flutter of dusted wings”, “seek the moon’s gentle glow”, “trapped behind the glass”), or a woman in a romantic scene (“I move with care and leave you”). I think this could be clarified more. But again, I think without the pantoum, there would be more freedom to explore this.

            The images are clear for each individual line, though the picture as a whole is obscured because of all the imagery. I think the poem would benefit from exploring line breaks further- each line seems to be one idea. I think the poem has a very original idea and does a really great job keeping away from clichés. 

Hey I'm 14 and I'm Katie

Hey I'm 14 and I'm Katie.

I got my hair cut today.

Now my weave is all nice and perdy.

But the ladywhowashedmyhair

was being super weird and flirty with

the guy she’s been texting.

Likeshewouldn’tshutup

I wanted to be like “woman, focus on ma weave!”

Butobviously I didn’t say that,

Ummm hello I’m a lady, heh.

But yeah…

Then I rode my bike to Rob’s

Andweatepizzaandplayedsims. 

And Kendall and I hadatwerkcompetition

and I totally won.

hashtag white girl swag haha!

It's all because I got ma herr did

and now it's niceandperdy.

oh my God what if I miss my flight

 oh my God what if I miss my flight

I get into the car and we start driving and soon, too soon, her car begins to slow down and I start thinking “oh my God what if I miss my flight” and then we’re on the side of the road and a nice lady stops in her truck and with her Jesus earrings and cross necklace and offers us a ride to the airport and I say okay but Andrea can’t come with me but so we go our separate ways and the nice lady is speeding past cops and somehow we don’t get pulled over and I just keep praying that our luck will hold and now I have a half an hour and I’m in the airport and I didn’t get kidnapped and I’m running through security and the large woman who looks like she’s having a bad day waves me to the front of the line and I’m trying not to yell at the tram to go faster, don’t they know my plane leaves in ten minutes, and then I’m running up the escalator trying to be polite to the people on the left side, but don’t they know my flight is about to leave, and then I see the gate and I join the back of the line and walk on like nothing ever happened, trying to slow down my breath so I’m not so obvious and thanking God until I’m in my seat.