This seems to be a voice poem, written from the voice of someone other than the author. Timothy does a good job of using consonance, especially in the second line of the second stanza: “silly sentimentality”. I also enjoyed the first line of the poem, “I’m gone, man, out”. I think it expresses the speaker’s impatience with his circumstances very well.
The stanzas
are very long, and I think it would benefit the poem to play with their
structure and length. The flow of the poem also seems to have some trouble. I
think this can be attributed partially to the “…” in the first stanza. I was
thrown off by those and didn’t understand their purpose, especially when they
begin a line. I think it would also help the flow to reverse the words “early”
and “Tuesday” in the second line of the first stanza. I think this poem would
also benefit from more concrete imagery-I didn’t really understand what was
going on in the poem, other than the speaker wanted a fresh start somewhere. I
think the word choice in the opening of the second stanza, “despondency”, and
“silly sentimentality” seem very formal compared to the laid back language in
the first stanza. I also did not understand how the last stanza fit into the
rest of the poem, though I liked the imagery it provided. In the last stanza, I
was also confused by the word “refound Grace”. Are you saying it was re-found,
as in found again? I think to achieve that same effect you could simply say
“found”.
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