Workshop Response- "A Rose By Any Other Name"

Workshop Response for Chancelee Hart's "A Rose By Any Other Name"

This is a memoir about how Chancelee got her name and how she learned to love it.

            I really loved the voice in this story. I could really tell that Chancelee was speaking. I think it had a lot to do with the sarcasm, especially in the three points at the end. I love the whole story of how your parents chose your name, I think it’s really cute and I love the background you give us. I also thought the experiences you’ve had dealing with your name were hilarious. It’s sad to think that people think they are right about everything when really they have no idea (<- maybe an idea for a personal essay?) I also really really loved this title. I think it fit perfectly with the theme of the story and your ending.

            I wasn’t really sure if this was a memoir or not. I knew it wasn’t a personal essay, because it didn’t have any facts or larger significance, but I wasn’t sure about the memoir. You write the story as if you were there when your parents were talking, and when your grandfather essentially named you, but you weren’t. You were either unborn or very recently born when those things happened. I think you could fix this by making some major changes to your story. If you want to write about something that happened before you were born, maybe you could write about the first time you found out about how you got your name, or just throw in some “my mom told me…” in there. Otherwise, it just doesn’t work as a memoir. I think you could also add a little more about your changed feelings about your name. You very briefly mention that you like it on page five, but I think if you elaborated some it could improve your story.

Workshop Response- "Fistful of Jacket"

Workshop Response for Daniel Yurcaba’s “Fistful of Jacket”

This memoir takes place when Dan is a young boy learning how to ride a bike. The personal significance for him was the fact that his mother let go of him on the bike, and that she let him down then but has been a great mother throughout his life. 

I really liked the way you described your neighborhood and the whole process of learning how to ride a bike. I could really see everything very clearly, like on page 2 when you describe your two neighbors and your own section of the street. I really liked how you described having dinner with the Owens. I thought that you did a really nice job of saying why you had to go over there, but then describing why it was so awful- like saying grace at dinner.

I also really loved the descriptions of your accident on page four. They were from your childhood perspective, and it was a nice balance of the drama of getting a cut when you’re a kid, and the sarcasm of how you thought it was such a big deal from your perspective now.

I think you could go into more detail about the aftermath of the crash. You mention that you were angry with your mother for letting go, and forgive her on page four, but I would like to see more of that. I think that can be developed further and help strengthen your personal significance. I had a hard time putting into words exactly what it was. I also expected some more interaction with the two families you describe, the Owens and the Talleys. You put a lot of description into them, but we didn’t get to hear from them again. Overall, really good!

Workshop Response- "My Mother's Sister"

Response to Dylan Gibson’s “My Mother’s Sister”

            The main significance of this story seems to be the idea of family secrets, and how things you never knew about can affect those around you.

            I really liked your story! I thought it was very well crafted, and I could identify with a lot of it, even though I have never had an experience similar to yours. I really loved the way you described being in your grandparent’s house as a kid. I thought the whole paragraph about secrets on page two was really great. I always felt the same way when I went to my grandparent’s house; there is always so much old stuff that is so interesting. I also really liked when you referred to the town as a “town” on page 4, I could definitely hear your sarcasm through your voice.

            I think for improvement you could shorten the description of the various decaying towns. You used the word “decay” a lot for starters, and I think we all could picture what you were describing after one or two descriptions. I think if you specified what age you were when you went to see your aunt’s grave could add a lot of context and meaning. I think you could also speak a little more about how your aunt has affected you, unless you’re trying to say that it hasn’t affected you at all (which I kind of get from the title-it's impersonal). Your ending is really powerful, I absolutely loved it, but I think that it speaks more about your grandfather than it does about you. I was also unsure about what you were trying to get across in the paragraph about death on the top of the last page. Overall, this was a really amazing short story, great job!

Workshop Response- Mary-Kate Sherer

Response to Mary-Kate Sherer

           The larger significance in this work is the idea that the future is unknown and life can take you anywhere, but some things, like Mary-Kate’s passion for cooking, remain constant.

            I like how you display your knowledge of cooking. It really gave me the sense that you knew what you were talking about. I could feel how excited you were when you flipped the vegetables and succeeded in catching them on page three. I actually laughed when I read what your dad said about the heat on page two, that you should turn down the heat while cooking. My dad says that just about every time I cook, and always tells me that that’s the reason my mom burns a lot of food. It was a really nice personal moment that showcased a little of your relationship with your dad while also allowing you to showcase your knowledge of cooking.

            For revision, I would suggest spicing up or cutting out some of the imagery and descriptions you use in the beginning while you’re making dinner. It seemed to lag some. I liked how you talked about the joy you experience during preparation, but I would have liked to know if you get a lot of joy from people’s reactions to your food. I know when I cook, I can’t wait to see if the people I’m serving liked it or not. At the top of page two, you kind of hint at that when you say that people often use food to show love. I think you could really elaborate on that point. I thought you did a really nice job with incorporating your larger idea and not sounding cheesy (pun intended).

Moving Again

I still hadn’t gotten used to the sun going down so early. It was getting dark, though it wasn’t quite yet time for dinner. I was wandering around the house, trying to resist opening the kitchen pantry for a third time, when I saw my mom and dad in the office. My mom was hugging my dad, which stopped me. It wasn’t unusual for her to hug him, I mean she hugged him before he went on a business trip, but my parents didn’t just randomly hug in the office, with the glass doors closed. So yeah, I guess it was unusual. My parents never really understood how much sound could escape out of the computer room, and I heard her say how proud of him she was. I couldn’t hear much else, but I knew something was going to change. I tried not to think about it.

It was two weeks later when I found out what. My parents sat down with my sisters and I, on December 23, and told us we were moving. My dad got promoted early, and we were being transferred. It immediately clicked in my head- that’s what was going on two weeks ago in the office, my dad found was telling my mom. I felt a few different things. I was proud of my dad, but I was angry because they didn’t tell me and because we had to move again. I was also angry because couldn’t they have waited until after Christmas to tell us? It ruined my holiday.  

RESPONSE FOR 11/5

RESPONSE FOR 11/5

I’m not really sure what was going on in Dinty Moore’s “Son of Mr. Green Jeans.” There were a lot of facts, and I gathered that the speaker related to them in some way, like how he was a victim of abuse and turned to drugs, along with Lauren Chapin (Moore 394). He threw seemingly random facts into the piece; like that he had a vasectomy. I do not think that whatever technique he is using here works. I was distracted and had to go back and reread parts that I automatically glossed over because I felt as if they were unimportant. We only get bits and pieces of the speaker’s life, like his drunken father, his drug abuse, his vasectomy, marriage, and child. But none of those facts help me to understand the purpose of this piece, or what I’m supposed to gain from reading it.

I thought it was interesting how Ryan Van Meter wrote “If You Knew Then What I Know Now” mainly in the future tense. It felt as if the speaker was talking to himself, though I am not sure that is actually the case, since the speaker remains constant and does not seem to change, while the main character grows up and matures. I thought this worked really well in the beginning, when he writes, “…don’t look at Mark. Don’t look at Jared…  If you do end up in a group with Mark and Jared… I don’t know what to tell you” (Van Meter 520). This sounds just like the way I speak to myself when confronting a difficult situation, and it was really relatable.

The only thing from “Son of Mr. Green Jeans” I would be interested in using in my own writing is the similarities between the characters interests and the way he feels and views himself. I think it shows how the character thinks and what he feels instead of the author telling us. From “If You Knew Then What I Know Now,” I would mimic the way Van Meter writes, so it sounds as if the character is talking to himself, because it doesn’t sound strange.