Scene from Story

Jenny Melnick

ENGL 4200-002

When he picked me up I thought I was about to be kidnapped. I was standing at the mirror in my bathroom checking my hair for the fiftieth time when I heard my front door open and shut. I stared at myself in the mirror, unsure of what to do. I lived alone, and Charlie didn’t know how to open doors. I leaned over to the window and pushed the blinds apart. I could see a red van outside still running in my apartment’s parking lot, the exhaust fumes visible in the cold. I looked around for something to protect myself with but could only find my round brush. I heard footsteps in the kitchen, and creeped into my room, holding my round brush like a baseball bat. I searched my bed, but I left my stupid phone on the kitchen table. Charlie came into my room and wagged his tail at me. Thankfully my apartment was carpeted, so the tap-tap of his nails on the floor couldn’t be heard. I heard the refrigerator open and close, and I started moving my arms in a sweeping motion towards the kitchen, and barring my teeth, trying to tell Charlie to go attack the intruder. I kept up with it for a few minutes until he lay down, and I realized he was useless. I took a deep breath, ready to run into the hallway, grab my phone from the table, and keep running out the front door. I counted in my head, turning the brush around in my hands, and on three, the intruder appeared in the doorway. I froze.

“There you are! I’ve been looking for you all over. Are you ready yet? I’ve been looking forward to this all day, and I’m starving. What on earth are you doing with your hairbrush?” He was tall and round, with a slight country accent. I still had no idea who he was; he was not what I had expected my date to look like.

“Joe?” I asked, still in disbelief. I hadn’t moved from my earlier stance.

“Well who else would it be?” he answered, as if it was obvious. I quickly lowered my brush and stood like a normal person.

“What the hell are you doing in my house?”

“I’m picking you up for our date, what do you think? Hurry up I left the car running outside,” he said, and walked back towards my front door. I stood there a little dumbfounded, wondering if this was a practical joke.

RESPONSE FOR 1/21

Response to T.C. Boyce's "The Love of My Life"

"The Love of My Life" by T.C. Boyle functioned very well as a short story and overcame some of the hurdles of short stories that we discussed in class last week, such as length of time. We talked about short stories being more restricted because they are shorter, that covering a large span of time in a few pages can be difficult. "The Love of My Life" covers roughly a year or more in the story. Boyle did this by choosing a few select moments in the history of China and Jeremy's relationship, showing in each scene how they have changed since the previous one, which moved the plot along very quickly. I thought this worked well because each snapshot showcased the different goals of the characters. For example, on page 137 China is still focused on her studies, but Jeremy wants to relax and enjoy senior year. Then on page 140, a few months later, Jeremy wants China to get an abortion, but she does not want to. This is something that I can see myself using in my own stories. It gives the reader the most important and interesting parts and leaves out a lot of filler. I also think the use third person omniscient with both characters was an interesting technique that worked really well because even though we as readers do not get to spend as much time with the characters as we would in a novel, because we know their thoughts and feelings and can identify with them. Using this point of view for both characters really gave the reader an understanding of the text and the emotional distress each character was feeling. It gave me a better understanding and more personal stake in the outcome. Again, this is something that I would like to play with and use in my own writing.  

RESPONSE FOR 1/16

Response to Antonya Nelson's "Lost in the Woods"

I thought Antonya Nelson's "Lost in the Woods" was a really interesting essay. When brainstorming ideas for writing, I usually tend to drift towards the more dramatic, but Nelson demonstrated that being lost in the woods and finding a companion, whether a friend or foe, is still an interesting and compelling story, even though it is simple. I also really liked how she used other settings, like Tokyo, in place of the forest (195). I had never thought of stories or movies like that being related to the same concept of being lost in a forest, but now it seems obvious.  I agree with Nelson in that happy endings seem to be a requirement (197). I think too often I am disappointed with a happy ending that seems to pop out of nowhere, one that was not earned. I used to really hate when a story did not have a happy ending, and I felt almost as if there was no point in reading the story, but as I've gotten older and read more literature, I realize that more often than not in real life the ending is not happy. If a character has gone through serious conflict and has changed according to that conflict, it would be unbelievable that they would have a happily ever after ending, especially if they are still affected by the events in the story. In my own writing I want to try and use some simpler underlying themes, like being lost in a forest, and take them to new levels, while also treating my characters like real people, even if that means they do not get a happy ending.

Story Beginnings Exercise

Blind Date- In Media Res

I stood on the toilet, looking at the small window above it. I tried the lock, but it wouldn't open. I sighed and step down. I flush the toilet in case anyone else was in the bathroom and saw me step out of the stall without hearing the flush. I'm not unsanitary. Thankfully I'm alone, and I begin pacing back and forth in front of the mirror. The last thing I want to do is go back to the table, but if I wait much longer he'll probably start imagining all of the horribly embarrassing bodily functions that can happen when a person is in the bathroom for ten minutes. I can't just walk out of the restaurant because I left my purse at the table, so I wouldn't be able to get into my apartment, and even if I did it would be another reason for him to see me again, which I do not plan on doing. This looks so much easier in the movies. Usually the woman just excuses herself to the bathroom and never comes back. I didn't think people could actually get that disparate while on a date, but Dick has shown me otherwise.

Blind Date- Introduction

My name is Sarah, and I'm twenty five years old, my favorite color is purple and an interesting fact about myself is that I hate coming up with "interesting" facts about myself. My go-to fact is that I have a dog that can high five, though Charlie stopped listening to me years ago and pretty much sits on the floor. I think him and Dick would get along just fine. Dick is the guy my friend Rachel set me up on a blind date with. His real name is Richard but I don't like him much so I've started calling him Dick in my head. Rachel said she knew him from work, but he must be her coworker's brother's lame friend from high school, because no one like that would be allowed to work at First Bank. I mean, just look at him. He's balding but still combs his thin brown hair as if he hasn't noticed, his shirt has a blob of an orange and brown stain near the pocket, which is starting to fray. He ordered ribs and by the way he looks his food I have no doubt that the stain is dried barbecue sauce from his last date. I can barely eat my own food, a giant piece of barbecue chicken with a side of curly fries, because I'm so distracted by the way he eats his food. Picking up bone after bone, ripping the flesh off with his teeth like an animal, not even bothering to wipe his hands or face in between pieces, though why would you use a napkin when your mouth works just fine? And still, he tries to talk. I can hardly look at him. Between all of the chewing and sucking he's managed to ask a few questions, though he doesn't seem very interested in my answers, the first one being' "so, tell me something interesting about yourself." I keep thinking of some way to escape, like going to the bathroom and never coming back, though the bathroom in this place is probably disgusting as well.

Story Beginning- A Blind Date

A Blind Date

I stand on the toilet, looking at the small window above it. I try the lock, but it won't open. I sigh and step down. I flush the toilet in case anyone else was in the bathroom and sees me step out of the stall without hearing the flush. I'm not unsanitary. Thankfully I'm alone, and I begin pacing back and forth in front of the mirror. The last thing I want to do is go back to the table, but if I wait much longer he'll probably start imagining all of the horribly embarrassing bodily functions that can happen when a person is in the bathroom for ten minutes. I can't just walk out of the restaurant because I left my purse at the table, so I wouldn't be able to get into my apartment, and even if I did it would be another reason for him to see me again, which I do not plan on doing. This looks so much easier in the movies. Usually the woman just excuses herself to the bathroom and never comes back. I didn't think people could actually get that disparate while on a date, but Dick has shown me otherwise. 

RESPONSE FOR 1/14

     Response to Ann Hood's "Beginnings"

     I thought that Ann Hood's "Beginnings" was very helpful because she kept her ideas short and to the point and provided examples of each different type of beginning she discussed. I never realized there were so many different ways or structures to beginning a story, or that some are more difficult than others. I also do not think I realized how important the beginning of a story actually is until Hood described how much effort and editing she outs into her beginnings of her stories on page 2. Now it seems obvious that of course the beginning has to be interesting, because no matter how interesting your story is in the middle, if the reader cannot make it through your beginning they will never get there. I never realized that beginning a story with dialogue was one of the most difficult ways to begin, and that a simple fact could describe so much to  my reader about my character. I linked how Hood gave examples of each different type of beginning, since I did not understand what all of them meant, especially old saw and in media res. In my own writing I am going to try to move away from beginning with dialogue and try to use a description, in media res, philosophical or a fact to start my story. I will probably try to stay away from an old saw opening because while I think it worked for Dickens, I will not be able to pull off such a clichéd opening.

Workshop Response- "Jennie Bean"

Workshop Response to Hunter Haynes’s “Jennie Bean”

            “Jennie Bean” is a memoir about Hunter’s sister, Jennie, who suffered from various medical conditions and died at the age of two.

            I thought the idea for this story was very touching and sentimental. I think it was a nice change from the typical story about a loved one who died. I think you did a really nice job of showing how much love there is for Jennie in your family, and that she touched everyone’s lives.

            I think your story could be improved by focusing on one major event. You seem to skip around to various moments of learning about and loving Jennie, but there doesn’t seem to be one really dramatic moment. I think you could either focus more on when your mother took the photo album away from you on page four, or when your brother called you on page five. I think either of those moments could serve as a climax in your story. I also think you could describe things a little more clearly. For example, when you describe Jennie you always talk about her blonde hair and pink dress and rings on her fingers, but I think it would help the reader understand her more if you talked about her smile or her personality, which you would have to ask your parents about. We also see a lot of your mom, but not a lot of your dad and how he dealt with the situation. I also think your story could be more effective if you changed it from a memoir to a personal essay. You have a really great opportunity to talk about the diseases Jennie had for your research part. I didn’t have any idea what they were when I read them.  I think you could have the same effect, but be able to give a broader understanding to your reader of what Jennie’s life was like.