Workshop Response- "Jennie Bean"

Workshop Response to Hunter Haynes’s “Jennie Bean”

            “Jennie Bean” is a memoir about Hunter’s sister, Jennie, who suffered from various medical conditions and died at the age of two.

            I thought the idea for this story was very touching and sentimental. I think it was a nice change from the typical story about a loved one who died. I think you did a really nice job of showing how much love there is for Jennie in your family, and that she touched everyone’s lives.

            I think your story could be improved by focusing on one major event. You seem to skip around to various moments of learning about and loving Jennie, but there doesn’t seem to be one really dramatic moment. I think you could either focus more on when your mother took the photo album away from you on page four, or when your brother called you on page five. I think either of those moments could serve as a climax in your story. I also think you could describe things a little more clearly. For example, when you describe Jennie you always talk about her blonde hair and pink dress and rings on her fingers, but I think it would help the reader understand her more if you talked about her smile or her personality, which you would have to ask your parents about. We also see a lot of your mom, but not a lot of your dad and how he dealt with the situation. I also think your story could be more effective if you changed it from a memoir to a personal essay. You have a really great opportunity to talk about the diseases Jennie had for your research part. I didn’t have any idea what they were when I read them.  I think you could have the same effect, but be able to give a broader understanding to your reader of what Jennie’s life was like.