Workshop Response- "The Letter That Changed Everything"

Response to Caroline Billock’s “The Letter That Changed Everything”

            The main character is a girl named Laura, who really wants to go to University of Pennsylvania along with the rest of her graduating high school class. However, her mother wants her to stay home and help out the family, because her father died and she’s having a hard time making ends meet.

            I really liked his story, because I found it really relatable and easy to sympathize with Laura. At my high school, we had a t-shirt day similar to the one you described, and I think the kids who weren’t going to college felt really awkward, like Laura. I also really liked how you used her actions to tell us how she was feeling, instead of just saying it, and I liked Grace being the voice of reason in the story, because your best friends usually tell you like it is, so I found that really believable.

            I think your story could benefit from a little more development. All of a sudden, Laura realizes (page 6) that her life is her own, and she shouldn’t let her mother control her, which isn’t very believable. I think the climax could also be a little more drawn out, since what Laura’s doing is a really big deal. I think the mom could get angrier and maybe do something drastic, like kick her out. I also think that the mom seems too innocent throughout the story. I really sympathized with her- she’s a single mom working her butt off to take care of three kids and is completely overwhelmed, but she’s trying her best. I think Laura’s claim of her not taking responsibility for her life falls flat, because we see her working literally day and night to provide for her family. It would be different if she was just a slob, who didn’t do much, and all of the responsibility fell on Laura to take care of her siblings. I think that could add a lot of conflict to your story and make it more complicated.